Despite what most guys (and even some girls) will tell you, women generally handle break-ups better than men. Now, ladies, before you all start feeling too good about the fact a guy just admitted this, here is another disclaimer - "better" is really relative and I mean "better" here in a very specific way. Not to discount your insane brilliance in handling heartbreak and heartache - I, for one, am deeply impressed.
Fellas - we've all had that nutty ex who just shows up where you happen to be, does the "call-and-hang-up" just to hear you say "hello," tells people that you killed her cat, or makes up some story to make you look like a horrible person (ie, "he left me because I got pregnant and I had to go through the abortion by myself." --- I actually had that one happen to me; and it wasn't a complete lie. But what she failed to mention was she got pregnant by someone other than me. But I digress). Back to the insane ex... let's be honest, the looney ex is actually quite rare. It's the minority in the larger scheme of experiences you will have. Most guys will end up experiencing this once, maybe twice if you're unlucky (or upwards of three or four times if you have a knack for hooking up with crazy chicks). So, once out of however many women you end up dating in your life is actually a very small percentage. It just has such an impact because the ex's that you separate from quietly are easy to forget. I mean, that's the whole idea of a break-up. You want to move on and forget each other. And ZING, that is exactly why the crazy ones go crazy. Women (and men too) who have low-self esteem have a sense of urgency to be "special" or "memorable" to the people they care about. And in a nutshell that explains the ones that tell all their friends that you killed her cat or that she once saved your mom's life by giving her CPR and you never thanked her, or something weird like that.
But the women I'm talking about, the ones that are "better" at breaking up than men - they just kind of go crazy in their own, acceptable way. And that is not a judgement or a criticism. As far as I'm concerned, it's recognition of something very impressive. Here's how it breaks down (and, ladies, if this assessment upsets you or sounds sexist, I can really only say one thing: blow me. Cause it's the truth): when a break-up goes down, women are pretty good at completely separating their head from their heart. People assume this to be more true of men, but it's actually a miscalculation. Men tend to be very tied to the cognitive, despite their feelings. But women, what they know and what they feel become two totally different and conflicting things... and they don't have a problem with that disconnect. They run with how they feel and ignore what's in their head. Basically, what I'm saying is, when you gals get hurt/sad/upset/heartbroken, you go batshit crazy and know it. You just don't care. The problem with guys is that they care. That disconnect bother's men. They spend their time and energy trying to reconcile their "head" with their "heart." They wrestle with feeling a certain way despite what they're logic tells them. And because of that difference, this happens (and this is why women always win):
1. women go with whatever they decide. If she suspects that you cheated on her during the relationship, then she's running with that. People ask her why you broke up, it could have been something as intangible as "timing" but she will tell people "because he cheated on me." They will have no problem saying, "because he never really loved me." Or "he was scared of commitment," even if NONE of these things are true. Maybe he did love you, but the sex was bad? Or maybe he wanted commitment and marriage but realized that you'd be a god awful mother and wife? But you ladies will say whatever you feel with so much conviction that it practically becomes true. And to me, to most men, that's fucking crazy! To just say shit like that. But to you ladies, when it's time for break-up war, you just don't give a fuck. You know how you feel and that's evidence enough for anything you want to accuse us for. And I applaud you for that sense of insane entitlement, it seems healthier in some ways.
2. men will agonize over knowing the truth. If he suspects that you cheated on him, he will lose sleep, send emails, call, rant on and on to friends, all for the sake looking for that bit of confirmation. He could be convinced juuuuusssst short of having empirical evidence, but will still insist on beating the shit out of his brain until he KNOWS. Which is pointless. Because what is that proof really going to give him? Probably something close to nothing. And this pursuit of "information" will cause this dude to act exactly like the asshole that his ex wants him to appear as. That's why the dude, when asked about the break-up, will say shit like, "I don't know, I think she was fucking around" or "It started to feel like she was looking for something else, someone else," or some other intangible explanation. Because he doesn't fucking know. He knows what he feels - but doesn't know. And he ends up sounding like an asshole, baselessly accusing the girl of fucked up shit, sounding bitter and desperate to have reasons. You wouldn't think it, but in actuality, being affirmative with your accusations (ie, stating them as fact) make you sound less bitter and more like a victim. When two sides of a story are presented, the one that sounds like facts usually ends up being the believable one and the one that sounds like speculation... well, that one makes you look like a dick. And that's why you lose, dude.
... Or maybe I'm just speaking from my own fucked experiences and the ones that I know of.
And really, don't get too proud of yourselves, ladies, because all I'm really saying is that you have the ability to be less rational when it suits you (go ahead, bring it on, bring on the male bashing and call me a sexist, honey - it still is a compliment if you want to see it as one!).
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